Updated: Mar 18
How do you get over losing something or someone that you cherish? How do you create balance? You do so by making strategic choices and decisions everyday based on what's important to you. Be considerate, listen more than you speak, and set goals based on your purpose in life. Think about what matters most. You will make an impact on a million people in the world, and people will recognize and praise you for all of you accomplishments, but out of the millions that you impact, if you neglect the 5 core people in your life, you can still feel a sense of emptiness inside. Priorities must be evaluated when you are developing purpose. Apart of those priorities should include the people closest and most dear to you,(you mom, dad, spouse, close friends, partner etc.) and not just praises from the world of people who don't know who you truly are. If the people closest to you are not apart of your success, then you fall short of your ultimate purpose. The reality of change is most relevant when we experience a shift in priorities. What are you willing to sacrifice? Freedom requires the experience of being uncomfortable. We must know how it feel to be cheated, unwanted, undervalued, and mis-used in order to set boundaries and create the experience opposite of those things. Change will happen in your life, it's human nature. How we respond to change determines our path as we pursue purpose.
A few months ago, my friend, (the woman of my dreams) made the decision to move away to a new city. She felt the urge to change her environment and continue to build on her purpose in a different space. As a man, naturally I supported her decision and even helped her make the moves that she desired. I was so inspired by her courage and ability to make a change in her current situation. But then after a few weeks had past, I started feeling the loneliness of her not being there anymore. I began to doubt the value and sustainability of our relationship because in the past, long distance relationships never worked for me. I was feeling displaced, and no longer needed now that we were in different cities. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that she will soon find some other man to replace me, and all the memories we shared had just gone down the drain. What helped me overcome this is re-evaluating the way I saw the situation. I had to stop stressing myself about what she may be doing with other people, and proactively continue to be of value in her life even while we are physically apart. The key to this is active listening, and understanding her daily schedule and purpose. I can only be myself,I continued to do great work in the community, but like I mentioned in the last paragraph, I don't want to impress the world and fall short of pouring energy into the people I care for the most. What does it profit the man to gain the whole world and lose his soul. I believe that Love is the highest level of understanding. and to understand change, you must surround yourself with people who understand you from the core.
But under that same token, don’t be stagnant and bullied by a dead situation that’s asking you to change. The reality of change is that sometimes you grow apart from people, and even though you’ve shared great memories with someone, doesn’t mean th at y’all are continuously growing in the same direction. Change doesn’t always feel good, so don’t try to keep a situation peachy when the energy and chemistry is starting to spoil. I had to be transparent with a friend the other day, and this was the letter I wrote to them…
I’m thinking about when you told me, what 1 man won’t do, another one will. To be honest that makes me feel of less value in your life, specially since we see each other less, and we’re openly dating other people. It just feels like I’m in a boat that has a hole in it. And no matter how much energy I put into trying to throw out the water that’s entering the boat, it’s never good enough. In the back of my mind I just feel like i don’t fulfill your needs, and no matter how sweet or supportive I am, it’s still the possibility that Im just not enough for you, and eventually someone else will be.. so I’m figuring out what’s the best way to reserve my energy and protect my heart from something that may eventually sink.. how do we fix the hole in the boat? Or do I just let it be and find another ship to set sail on?
This is my approach to presenting transparency in a change that I’m experiencing. On one end change demands you to self reflect, and evaluate a situation, on the other end change is speaking your truth and allowing other people to respond or internalize how you’re feeling so that you don’t have to carry the entire burden. The moral of the story is change can be positive or challenging, but it’s up to you to be proactive and using any situation to your advantage.
A random stream of thoughts by Lakeem Wilson